


You were the ocean

by bestaceinspace



Category: Free!
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-23
Updated: 2017-02-23
Packaged: 2018-09-26 13:20:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9898931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bestaceinspace/pseuds/bestaceinspace
Summary: The black haired boy he always sees almost dances amongst the waves that break. The water seems to pass through him; become a part of him when it splashes against the shore. It’s like he could control all the oceans on Earth with only his hands. The blue in his eyes reflect the color of the ocean or is it the ocean that lives inside his eyes, within him? Makoto doesn’t know. He guesses the boy is as alive as the water is. As long as the water is there, the boy will be there, too.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Blame Ben Howard's perfect music and awesome lyrics. "Black Flies" is probably one of my favorite songs ever and I've always wanted to write something with it as an inspiration. So bear with me and this weird little thing I wrote.

_“And no man is an island, oh this I know_

_But can’t you see, oh?_

_Maybe you were the ocean when I was just a stone”_

(Black Flies – Ben Howard)

 

//

 

Makoto watches from afar; never daring to look closer. His feet are heavy, the sand around his ankles like chains.

The lump in his throat is the same as it has ever been, as well as the emptiness in his heart.

The black haired boy he always sees almost dances amongst the waves that break. The water seems to pass through him; become a part of him when it splashes against the shore. It’s like he could control all the oceans on Earth with only his hands. The blue in his eyes reflect the color of the ocean or is it the ocean that lives inside his eyes, within him?

Makoto doesn’t know.

He guesses the boy is as alive as the water is. As long as the water is there, the boy will be there, too.

 

//

 

He doesn’t remember arriving at this beach, only that his feet always seem to bring him here. So he ends up doing the same thing, over and over again, sitting down and watching the ocean, the water, the waves, and waiting for the blue eyed boy to show up again.

He always does.

What Makoto also doesn’t remember is why, every time he looks at the water for too long, a shiver runs down his spine, and he wants to disappear from this place.

Yet he never dares to turn away and go anywhere.

Then night falls and, in the day that follows, everything stars all over again.

 

//

 

The next day Makoto’s gaze meets the blue eyed boy’s one, and it’s like the Earth and the Ocean meeting for the first time.

He finds in himself an inexplicably will to smile. So he does, and it is like a little of the sand that holds him in place moves. Just a little, but it’s a start, he thinks.

The boy doesn’t smile back, though; just stares, but Makoto can swear he seems a glimpse of a spark in his eyes.

 

//

 

The first time Makoto’s feet almost touch the water is because he tries to get closer to the boy in the ocean. He swims from one place to the other. Sometimes he is close to the shore, other times he is so far away he is just a blur, a dot amongst the vast water.

And Makoto wants to move closer, reach out to him, not knowing why, not knowing how when he is still just… So… Afraid?

He moves back, then, feeling like he belongs on solid ground, and keeps watching. Just watching.

But will things ever change like that?

 

//

 

A few days pass and he tries again.

When his feet almost touch the water, the boy is in front of him, reaching out a hand, and something in that simple gesture makes Makoto stop.

He puts his hands in his head, and something breaks.

He falls on the sand, a few feet back, away from the ocean again, and he hears a voice inside his mind talking.

 

//

 

Haru. Haru. Haru.

It echoes.

...

_Is that your name?_

_Are you Haru?_

...

(Yes, it’s me. It’s me. I’m here.)

 

//

 

Why does it feel like the voice is calling him from somewhere else?

Where should he go?

Where _is_ he?

 

//

 

(You have to go back. You have to—)

It says, and then everything stops.

//

 

 _Haru. Haru! I knew you. I_ know _you._

_Haru…_

_//_

 

When Makoto opens his eyes again, Haru is looking down at him, worried eyes studying him.

“Are you okay?” Haru asks, and Makoto can’t help the relief he feels when he sees him again.

“Haru?”

Makoto asks, and his throat is dry; he feels like losing his breath just saying that simple name, so familiar now.

But the boy stops, serious again, he takes a step back almost as if Makoto frightens him.

“How do you know?”

He simply asks. Makoto tries to stand, but he can’t. He keeps lying down, it’s like something is restraining his wrists, holding him.

And when did the sand turn so cold on his back?

He closes his eyes.

No, he can’t be even more stuck. He can’t become a prisoner of the shore. He has to reach the ocean, he has to—

 

//

 

(Go back! Go back, Makoto.

You can’t follow me. You can’t.

I tried to ignore you, I tried—

You need to let go.

You can’t stay.)

 

//

 

_I didn’t want to leave you I didn’t want to leave you I didn’t want to_

_But you went somewhere I couldn’t reach._

_What was I supposed to do but move on and find my own way?_

_No, no, no. I should have stayed. I’m sorry._

_I’m sorry._

_Why did I even think I could follow a path if you are not there with me?_

_I can’t go back._

_I can’t leave you._

//

 

Makoto feels like floating above water, but he is not afraid anymore.

He opens his eyes and looks up, and there the sky is, so close to him, all the stars sparkling, blinking at him, like everything is going to be okay. He curls into himself a little more, trying to hide away, still floating. He feels as light as a leaf, as small as a grain in a vast desert.

[It’s not your fault.

I’m sorry.]

A different voice speaks, not Haru’s anymore.

[I’m sorry you had to lose him like that, lose him to the water.

It’s like they are one and the same, the ocean and that boy, but he has to… He has to leave it all behind. He was just stuck in that place, just like you.

He didn’t know. He didn’t know that the longer he stays there, the more you are trapped as well.

I know it’s sad, I know. But it’s not his fault.

It’s not your fault]

But Makoto wants to scream to the voice, tell them it’s not right, it can’t be truth.

Then everything comes crashing back down on him.

[You weren’t supposed to—]

 

//

 

Makoto is back at the beach. He stands up, and Haru is there, between the waves again. He walks the closest he can get and then stops. He feels his feet touch the water.

He can do it this time. He is not afraid anymore.

What he fears the most now is leaving, and he is not doing that anymore. Never again.

Haru notices him getting closer, but doesn’t move, doesn’t run away. He just stares, like he doesn’t believe what he is seeing.

Then Makoto notices the tears in his blue eyes.

The closer he gets, the tears get clearer. When he stops in front of Haru, he sees them running down his face.

 

//

 

[-you weren’t supposed to know.

Do you want to go back? Or do you want to stay with him?]

What a silly question, Makoto thinks.

Then everything is silent.

He is awake and sleeping at the same time, he doesn’t know.

But what matters the most is that he is free now.

Unafraid.

 

//

 

_I didn’t lose him yet._

_I will not lose him._

He says to whoever wants to hear.

And he swears he feels Haru’s smile.

He drifts.

 

//

 

“How will I be able to swim? I can’t leave, I can’t.”

Haru tells him, his hands shaking. Makoto moves closer, closes his arms around him, and Haru doesn’t move back or steer away. He rests his head on Makoto’s shoulder and just cries.

“Makoto?”

He asks, keeps asking, keeps saying his name like it’s an anchor, until Makoto moves back and holds Haru by his shoulders. Makoto smiles down at him calmly.

“Haru, you are part of the water and the water is part of you.”

Makoto says, like it’s the easiest thing in the world, an undeniable truth.

Haru is not crying anymore. He remembers.

“The water is alive”, he says. Makoto can swear he sees him smile, and that’s enough.

_He is as alive as the water is._

“We will be okay”, Makoto says. He reaches out a hand, and Haru takes it without a second thought, their fingers intertwined.

“Will we swim there together?”

Haru asks, and Makoto just looks ahead, at the water around them, he doesn’t think any more about the shore, doesn’t feel it pulling at his feet. There is just the water now, and Haru, pulling at his heart, like he always did.

 _Not just that, much more,_ he thinks with a smile. _There’s so much more._

“Yes”, he affirms, and feels the water consuming them, inviting them in. Their hands still clasped so tight that if anything were to take them, it would take them as a unit; one soul divided into two bodies.

“How is it like?”

Haru asks, looks at Makoto with hopeful eyes, the spark he loves so much to see back into blue orbs.

“Haru…”

Makoto says and thinks about all the times he watched Haru on the pool, arms outstretched, and eyes closed; in total bliss.

“It feels like floating.”


End file.
